I haven't talked about it much here yet, but the hubs and I have been working on growing our family via the adoption front, in addition to deciding to do a final IVF round. In our state, parents are required to obtain what's called a complete home study, wherein a social worker probes into your life, talks to your friends and family, and gives a thumbs up or down as to whether the state can trust you with a kid or two. While you can do these privately, hiring someone you are comfortable with or using whomever your private adoption attorney prefers, we went a less traveled avenue. We began with foster-to-adopt classes through our state and are now ready to be certified to take on a foster child. The foster-to-adopt program began as a way to help get foster children who were ready for adoption (or, as they say, free to adopt) into homes with families who hoped to become their legal parents. The certification and home study is done at no cost, and if you want to use it for a private adoption, you certainly can. With our home study complete, we are just waiting to receive our "all clear" call. Once that happens, we can accept or decline foster placements as we feel comfortable. Its exciting and nerve wracking all at once. Our social worker is kind and has done all she can to reassure us that, when we are ready for a baby, she'll start bringing them in barrels! LOL.
The final countdown has begun on our last possible round of IVF. Our two frosties have been moved from New Orleans to our fancy new lab in Baton Rouge, and they are just chilling out, waiting for us to bring them home. I started my supression drugs (10 iu Lupron daily) on 2/1 and I should be ready to step down to half the dose next week. At the same time, I'll start my sims (Delestrogen, Estrace) that day too, and we go back in to check my lining mid-month. I'm feeling good about it. When I finally finished bcp's, AF came along all on her own! I know...how counter productive, right? Nah. At least, not this time. Her appearance just means things are right on track and its time to build a lining like my body's never seen. Before you know it, it'll be time to pick a name for our frosties!
In his undying vigilance, the hubs has finally taken the opportunity to put his foot down. Does he do it when I decide I want to change jobs for a lesser salary? Nooooo. When I come up with the idea to move us across country? Uh uh. Maybe when I decide to sink our life savings into trying to have a child we would typically need that savings to support and educate? Nope. But mention trying to navigate an adoption while proverbially being pregnant? Ding - ding - ding! Tap out! I was forced to agree, girl scout's honor, that we would wait until after my proverbial first trimester before accepting a foster baby and preparing for adoption. No undue stress, no lifestyle adjustments. Just good nutrition, light exercise, acupuncture, and easy living. I may or may not have had my fingers crossed, but for looks anyway, I promised. There was nothing in there about not preparing a nursery and scoping out baby gear, right?
As things unfold, its hard not to focus too much on past failures. I find myself worrying about possible negative outcomes, what could happen, and what already has knocked us down. I think of Robert and Olivia. I remember their sweet little toes and tiny faces. I think of the day I got to hold them both together and say my goodbyes. And then, I think of how lucky we are to have known them at all. Most people only dream of angels. We got to hold ours in our arms! It will be nice to give them some living siblings they can watch over and see grow....however they may come.